Along Comes Mary
Asleep At The Wheel
Balls Out
Boom
Coo Coo Ca Choo
Fire Water Burn
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo
Go Down
Going Nowhere Slow
Hell Yeah
I Hope You Die
I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks
I'm The Least You Could Do
Kids In America
Kiss Me Where It Smells Funny
Legend In My Spare Time
Mope
No Hard Feelings
Pennsylvania
Ralph Wiggum
Something Diabolical
The Bad Touch
Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss
You're Pretty When I'm Drunk

Along Comes Mary

Every time I think that
I'm the only one who's lonely
Someone calls on me
And every now and then
I spend my time at rhyme and verse
And curse those faults in me

And then along comes Mary (Mary Mary)
Then along comes Mary (Mary Mary)
And does she want to give me kicks and be my steady chick
And give me pick of memories
Or maybe rather gather tales from all the fails and tribulations
No one ever sees
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
Sweet as the punch

When vague desire is the fire
In the eyes of chicks whose sickness
Is the games they play
And when the masquerade is played
The neighbor folks make jokes
At who is most to blame today

And then along comes Mary (Mary Mary)
Then along comes Mary (Mary Mary)
And does she want to set them free and
Let them see reality
From where she got her name
And will they struggle much
when told that such a tender touch of hers
Will make them not the same
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
Sweet as the punch

And when the morning of the warning's passed
The gassed and flaccid kids
Are flung across the stars
The psychodramas and the traumas gone
The songs have all been sung
And hung upon the scars

And then along comes Mary (Mary Mary)
Then along comes Mary (Mary Mary)
And does she want to see the stains,
The dead remains of all the pain
She left the night before
Or will their waking eyes reflect the lies
And make them realize
Their urgent cry for sight no more
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
Sweet as the punch

When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
Sweet as the punch

Back to Top

Asleep At The Wheel

Bloodhounds shall cruise rendezvous
Break curfew new trip ensues
You never know Bloodhounds just go
Pack backpack up for down the road
No change of clothes but change for tolls
Pack of No-Doz Rolos and Skoal
Old Milwaukee Jolt black coffee
Sugar Daddy Rand McNally
A pack of jacks those orange Tic-Tacs
Glen Miller tracks roll of Kodak
The phantom black stacked Pontiac
Hot rod dual quads and in the back
Is the beat keeper big ass speaker
Jumbo woofer rattle tweeter
Dial is turned and there it's stayin'
The next day where Stern is playin'
You got your Jesus on the dashbord but the devil's under my hood
You're taking it down legal I'm pullin' it up to no good
God is your co-pilot I let Satan ride shotgun
You pay a toll to get to heaven but on the road to hell there's none
You got your Jesus on the dashbord but the devil's under my hood
You're taking it down legal I'm pullin' it up to no good
God is your co-pilot I let Satan ride shotgun
You pay a toll to get to heaven but on the road to hell there's none
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel

I-95 eight lanes wide
Midnight drive take a ride
Alongside east coast tide
Getting high so am I
Bloodshot red eyes from the fumes
I consume engine zoom then engine boom
Then enging glow erupt and blow
And overflow like volcano
So far to go can't turn back though
Cheap tobacco cup of black Joe
Fuelin' my body jumstartin' my soul
Set my mind on cruise control
You got your Jesus on the dashbord but the devil's under my hood
You're taking it down legal I'm pullin' it up to no good
God is your co-pilot I let Satan ride shotgun
You pay a toll to get to heaven but on the road to hell there's none
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel

24-7 Truck Stop Plaza
Turn off headlights turn on hazards
3 A.M. is when I gazed
Eyes glazed I'm dazed and then I fade
To black now were back
'On The Road' like Kerouac
Down the turnpike high rate of speed
Up all night like Gilbert Gottfried
You got your Jesus on the dashbord but the devil's under my hood
You're taking it down legal I'm pullin' it up to no good
God is your co-pilot I let Satan ride shotgun
You pay a toll to get to heaven but on the road to hell there's none
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel

Back to Top

Balls Out

Potent is the flow which is wicked sick
So hos of those that pounce bounce slow on the dick
Potent is the flow which is wicked sick
So hos of those that pounce bounce slow on the dick

I don't give a shit about celebrity
But motherf**kers did ya happen to who's here? me
The bottom feeder at the top of the food chain
Frontin' from the back of the line on some dud named
After car parts that as fast as a spark hitting gas
Starts a fire gets wired from barbs that
Cut like a jalapeno popper fart
Burnin up an asshole that once riped apart
Punched hard but it ain't like i ever cared if i went
Too far as stitches left scars from more clowns bent
Outta shape than the cirque de soleil ever had so
Though he throws his weight around he's still in my shadow
In the dark so he doesn't know his girl remarked that i make her
Laugh on the inside but i can hear it later
With my dick as her other cunt gets screwed
In the process i got to get hot chicks nude

The payback is cum in fools' circles if it's
Those turnin' on those turnin' on the bitches
The payback is cum in fools' circles if it's
Those turnin' on those turnin' on the bitches

Balls out my life is a slut
This dick don't hit the bottom but i f**k the sides up
Balls out my life is a slut
This dick don't hit the bottom but i f**k the sides up

Potent is the flow which is wicked sick
So hos of those that pounce bounce slow on the dick
Potent is the flow which is wicked sick
So hos of those that pounce bounce slow on the dick

Thanks to you bitches i got more screams
Than david arquette's resume what that means
Is my job involves getting' mobbed like john gotti
Dressed to kill like i'm gianni versace
But i gotta be so when a gimp limps back for more
In a huff like that fat kid that had to sit out for
Every gym class due to his asthma that wore
One correctional shoe but still passed that i swore
I spotted at the smorgasbord sprintin' for seconds
That i reckon ain't as sloppy as the leftovers gettin'
Me clocked by blocked cock pissed my tryst with his missus
Got her panties in a bunch just like his is
That my face between her legs? because that could be
What convinced this dick getting' hard i'm a pussy
But if that were my name i would have autographed her breasts with
Motherf**kin' dollar signs instead of s's

The payback is cum in fools' circles if it's
Those turnin' on those turnin' on the bitches
The payback is cum in fools' circles if it's
Those turnin' on those turnin' on the bitches

Balls out my life is a slut
This dick don't hit the bottom but i f**k the sides up
Balls out my life is a slut
This dick don't hit the bottom but i f**k the sides up
Balls out my life is a slut
This dick don't hit the bottom but i f**k the sides up
Balls out my life is a slut
This dick don't hit the bottom but i f**k the sides up
Balls out my life is a slut
This dick don't hit the bottom but i f**k the sides up
Balls out my life is a slut
This dick don't hit the bottom but i f**k the sides up

Back to Top

Boom

Yo Bloodhound Gang and Rob Van Winkle together on this track

Stop as we drop this bomb
Blow up this place like another Vietnam
Heavy like a Tyson blow to the dome
Back up son give me room give me room
To set it off like this don't give it up
I'm all up in you till you just can't get enough
Real hard to the bone you want more
I sneak up on you like a sniper at your back door
Phat flavor for your brain you know the time
So check the wrath it's for real I'm gonna get mine
Roll up on you like Eastwood
Blowing up fifteens as I'm riding through your neighborhood
I spreads butter like Parkay
Real smooth with flow and even when I parlay
Do what you feel and check the skill
I'm in your grill peep this I got the raw deal
I'm in your Jeep Grand Cherokee or Land Cruiser
When you're rolling through the hood you want to use a
Track like this all up in your eardrum
So check the E.Q. and let them speakers hum
And gets crazy like Prozac
Hype enough to start a party and illy as a heart attack
Round one round two knockout
Straight to your head my round never lights out
Tah rah tah rah tah rah boom dee
Tah rah tah rah tah rah boom dee a

Jimmy Jimmy y'all Jimmy damn Jimmy yea
Gimme the mic Rob so I can take it away
Got more lines than the welfare office
Are you upset you'll never get to be as clever as this?
Spreadin' quicker than your mom have a feel but don't cop it
Yea I stole your beat but that's cause you dropped it
Crude as oil unrefined but slick
I'm gonna get you from behind like a gay convict
Cause my name ain't Quasimodo but I still got a hunch
That like the Jim Jones cult I'll take you out with one punch
You're Spiro Agnew and I'm the Dick you answer to
You're sweating like a watermelon at a Baptist bar-b-cue
Sneaking up like celery yeah I'm stalking
I squeak like Stephen Hawkings yeah but I'm walkin'
Nose to ground so this Bloodhound will sniff and follow it
I hope you choke on your pride when I make you swallow it
Screaming like a Mimi when you see me coming near you
Like a Kenny Loggins' record no one's ever gonna to hear you
Like a game of hide and seek it's all over if I see ya
Cause your yellower than tinkle and you'll be running like diarrhea
Tah rah tah rah tah rah boom dee
Tah rah tah rah tah rah boom dee a

Back to Top

Coo Coo Ca Choo

Coo coo ca choo baby you that's what you are
You are a hollywood star you're the high priestess by far
And you know this tune's for you we call it coo coo ca choo
And it's a very brief description of the things we could do to you

You were looking at me I was looking at you
Coo coo ca choo coo coo ca choo
You were looking at me I was looking at you
Coo coo ca choo now what ya gonna do

Oil me up quick miss daisy before I'm lubing up your tailpipe
Or the bedposts will be a knocking and a knocking 'til the break of light
Raised and dazed in a million and one ways
Like a Morton coffee roll I want you hot and glazed
So you're the real thing baby you're Parkay you're not butter
Gonna have to get you home and lube you up with fluff-n-nutter
Scope it scope it baby looking so fit
Playing games and laying dames you know I know you know it
Now you're quick to get the condom you know the Jimmy's gonna fit you snug
Lean you against the fire place and ride you on the bear skin rug
Chow down my Ding Dong come and sing along
Slip a grip around my tip and then you'll be my Klingon
Yeah in my sweat pants you're gonna see my erection
Ooh oh pick a de pop pop perfection
Umpla dumpla dippedee do
Cause I'd never leave the house if mommy looked like you

You were looking at me I was looking at you
Coo coo ca choo coo coo ca choo
You were looking at me I was looking at you
Coo coo ca choo now what ya gonna do

Butter up butter cup did ya think it'd really last long
My attention span hutches when you wake up know that I'll be gone
Cocoa butter beach blonde wearing that thin thong
You know I got a thing for you it's only an inch long
Now I'm picking up your signals like a TV station
I'm looking for the channel to have immoral applications
Looking so fine Cosmo behind
Fermentation of time like Reunite wine
Well I'm bubbling up and steaming like an active volcano
I think I clogged up all your pipes better get yourself some Draino
I get annoyed cause I can't avoid
Baby sounding like a mongoloid
I gots the skills to keep ya busy all night
If you do not bite I hope you blow like dynamite
Happy thanksgiving would you like a little white meat?
I'll stuff my Butterballs and you eat

You were looking at me I was looking at you
Coo coo ca choo coo coo ca choo
You were looking at me I was looking at you
Coo coo ca choo now what ya gonna do

Back to Top

Fire Water Burn

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
We don't need no water let the motherf**ker burn
Burn motherf**ker burn

Hello my name is Jimmy Pop and I'm a dumb white guy
I'm not old or new but middle school fifth grade like junior high
I don't know mofo if y'all peeps be buggin' give props to my ho cause she fly
But I can take the heat cause I'm the other white meat known as 'Kid Funky Fry'
Yeah I'm hung like planet Pluto hard to see with the naked eye
But if I crashed into Uranus I would stick it where the sun don't shine
Cause I'm kind of like Han Solo always stroking my own wookie
I'm the root of all that's evil yeah but you can call me cookie
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
We don't need no water let the motherf**ker burn
Burn motherf**ker burn

Yo yo this hard-core ghetto gangster image takes a lot of practice
I'm not black like Barry White no I am white like Frank Black is
So if man is five and the devil is six than that must make me seven
This honkey's gone to heaven
But if I go to hell well then I hope I burn well
I'll spend my days with J.F.K., Marvin Gaye, Martha Raye, and Lawrence Well
King Kurt Cobain, Kojak, Mark Twain and Jimi Hendrix's poltergeist
And Webster yeah Emmanuel Lewis cause he's the anti-christ
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
We don't need no water let the motherf**ker burn
Burn motherf**ker burn

Everybody here we go
Ohh Ohh
C'mon party people
Ohh Ohh
Throw your hands in the air
Ohh Ohh
C'mon party people
Ohh Ohh
Wave 'em like you don't care
Ohh Ohh
C'mon party people
Ohh Ohh
Everbody say ho
Ohh Ohh
C'mon party people
Ohh Ohh
Everybody here we go

Back to Top

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Vulcanize the whoopee stick
In the ham wallet

Cattle prod the oyster ditch
With the lap rocket

Batter dip the cranny ax
In the gut locker

Retrofit the pudding hatch
Ooh la la
With the boink swatter

If i get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo, in the end know my intent, though
I brazillian wax poetic, so hypothetically
I don't wanna beat around the bush

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Marinate the nether rod
In the squish mitten

Power drill the yippee bog
With the dude piston

Pressure wash the quiver bone
In the bitch wrinkle

Cannonball the fiddle cove
Ooh la la
With the pork steeple

If i get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo, in the end know my intent, though
I brazillian wax poetic, so hypothetically
I don't wanna beat around the bush


Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where pronto

Back to Top

Go Down

Step back cause the bass is fuzzin'
Bloodhound Gang bangs more than the dirty dozen
Alley oop here comes the slam i know where I stand
I'm feelin' like Anthrax cause you know O'm the man
Yea I dug your dame but all I did was kiss her
But I got to second base with your mom and your sister
I'll wipe the grin off your face like I was a can of Windex
I threw a right I threw a right was I live or Memorex
Go down down deep deep in and out quick
Cause I'm harder than Chinese arithmetic
Now my fist is in your face cause you stood in my way
You tried to talk your shit and your ass got paid
I get stupid like the mongoloid Corky
Welcome to McDonald's may I take your order
Cause I'm cold kicken' lyrics like my arm was on fire
Like Pinnochio my nose don't grow cause I ain't no liar

Go down go down to get it up get it up
Go down go down to get it up y'all

Clap it on clap it off sniff my exhaust
Cause i got more steps than Barishnikov
Like a pirouette, a pirouette, a pair of wet jeans
You don't understand but your girl knows what I mean
So I kicks my lines kind of complex
A text of intricate words and other spoken effects
Like a preacher on the mount teaching things he doesn't follow
When you tried to hit the brake but pushed on the throttle
Mr. Goody Two Shoes picture the scenario
Your girl blew me as I blew your stereo
And I gots more bass than a baseball diamond
Don't put me on your chalkboard cause I'm not down with Simon
Sonic boom in your room assume you're not there
Booty licken' nugget picken' with your dad downstairs
Love is just a fallacy I got more force than gravity
I can run all night like an Energizer battery

Go down go down to get it up get it up
Go down go down to get it up y'all

Back to Top

Going Nowhere Slow

Got the mike in my hand but can I make you understand
That a-hole bands have a-hole fans
Bloodhound's the name and the Gang's to blame
Like Chan n' Chin the Siamese twins it's one in the same
So fame ain't gonna live forever
Never worrying about dying cause it can't be any better
But whatever happens to happen always happens for the worst
And if the worst is yet to happen I hope it happens to you first
So hello Joe what do you know?
Heard ya just got back from a Bloodhound show
Did you do the Batussi or did you do the Hustle?
Did you do the Flamin' Waffle or the Super Bowl Shuffle?
No matter what you did you're gonna be amused
If you were not entertained you did not drink enough booze
If ya get your eyes a'fuzzin' then we'll get your ears a'buzzin'
Cause we play around the world you play around with your cousin
Bloodhound boys
Bloodhound girls
Bloodhound noise
Bloodhound world
Rock on rock on do it dusk til' dawn
Anywhere we go everywhere we've gone
Don't matter what state what town what show
Hell-bound Bloodhound going nowhere slow

We rock Philadelphia Baltimore Las Vegas Indianapolis
Louisville Atlanta New Orleans and Minneapolis
Houston Tucson Phoenix Buffalo
Tulsa Mobile Albuquerque Wichita and Orlando
Portland Salt Lake City Memphis Washington D.C.
Charlotte Oklahoma City Little Rock and Milwuakee
Cleveland Tampa Norfolk Dallas Raleigh Hartford Cincinatti
Boston Nashville Kansas City Chattanooga and Miami
Honolulu Richmond Austin Pittsburgh San Antonio
Baton Rouge and Anchorage and Birmingham and Toledo
Denver Detroit Dayton Spokane Fresno
And Jacksonville Colombus Springfield New York Sacramento
Los Angeles St. Paul St. Louis San Francisco
Madison Knoxville Seattle San Jose and San Diego
Jackson Omaha Des Moines Boise Providence Chicago
But no where in New Jersey that's the only place we won't go
Bloodhound boys
Bloodhound girls
Bloodhound noise
Bloodhound world
Rock on rock on do it dusk til' dawn
Anywhere we go everywhere we've gone
Don't matter what state what town what show
Hell-bound Bloodhound going nowhere slow
Rock on rock on do it dusk til' dawn
Anywhere we go everywhere we've gone
Don't matter what state what town what show
Hell-bound Bloodhound going nowhere slow

Back to Top

Hell Yeah

Alright now boys and girls we've got another story for you now!
We want to introduce to you another friend of the Bible!

Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah

If I were God there would be no explicit sex on T.V.
Like little Opie eating pie when he made it with Aunt Bea

If I were God thou shall not worship false Billy Idols
And thou shall add the Book Of Flavor Flav to the Bible
Thou shall make fun of Hindus thou shall not make a "Speed 2"
If I were God that's what I'd do Heavens no

Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah

If I were God I'd get a bunch of slaves to do everything
Norwegian lesbians that feed me grapes and know how to sing

If I were God thou shall not wear tube socks with Flip-Flops
Thou shall sit and thou shall spin thou shall even wife swap
Thou shall resist the Olsen Twins, thou shall not cut "Footloose"
If I were God that's what I'd do, Heavens no

Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah

And when they nail my pimpled ass to the cross
I'll tell them I found Jesus that should throw them off
He goes by the name Hay-zeus and steals hubcaps from cars
Oh hay-zeus can I borrow your crowbar?
To pry these God damn nails out they're beginning to hurt
Crucified and all I got was this lousy T-shirt
"I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" I'll sing as I'm flogged
Yeah that's what I would do if I were God
So vote for me for Savior and you'll go to Heaven
Your lame duck Lord is like Kevin Spacey in "Seven"
With creepy threats of H-E-Double-Hockey-Stick
You just can't teach an old God new tricks
But would I be a good Messiah with my low self-esteem?
If I don't believe in myself would that be blasphemy?
Just sport some crummy "holier than thou" facade
Yeah that's what I would do if I were God

Back to Top

I Hope You Die

You must die I alone am best!

I hope ya flip some guy the bird
He cuts you off and you're forced to swerve
In front of the Beatles' tour bus
A Bookmobile and a Mack truck
Hauling hazardous biological waste
The light turns red you have no brakes
And "Hard Copy" gets it all on tape
So you can see the look on your face

Die Die Die Die Die Die Die
Die Die Die Die Die Die Die

I hope your Pinto begins to spin
Takes out a disabled Vietnam Veteran
Mows down a Nobel Peace Prize Winner
And maybe some orphans having Christmas dinner
Perhaps even the British Royal Family
And the Rabbi that's clutching the bottle-fed puppy
And we can't forget the newlyweds
And those Jerry's Kids are as good as dead

I hope this helps to emphasize
I hope this helps to clarify
I hope you die

I hope your cellmate thinks he's God
But C.N.N. refer to him as "Bowling Ball Bag Bob"
Serving time again for abuse of a corpse
Only this time the victim's a Clydesdale horse
While he masturbates to photos of livestock
He does the "Silence of the Lambs" dance to Christian Rock
Eats feces and quotes from "Deliverance"
And fights with his imaginary playmate Vince

Die Die Die Die Die Die Die
Die Die Die Die Die Die Die

I hope he grins like Jack Nicholson
And forces you to play a game called "Balls On Chin"
And whatever happens next is all a blur
But you remember "fist" can be a verb
And when you finally regain consciousness
You're bound and gagged in a wedding dress
And the prison guard looks the other way
‘Cause he's the guy ya flipped the bird the other day

I hope this helps to emphasize
I hope this helps to clarify
I hope you die

I hope you die

Back to Top

I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks

If your ass is a Chinese restaurant I'll have the poo-poo platter
My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. class
Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass
I said guys I'm like you I like Monster Trucks too
Wanna see how many push-ups I can do?
I just wish I was queer so I could get
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be
Incognito as gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo phony
Maybe it's a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity
But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry
Scoring with a super model would be easy
Cause 'super model' means voluptuous but is also is synonomous with 'super dumb'
Ya see I'd be a good listener so she'd treat me like a sister and soon I'd become
That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair
No it wouldn't be a week before I'm in her underwear
I wish I was queer so I could get
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
Doesn't matter what I'm packin' in my denim it's what's in my genes
The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy Dean
See I'm not to keen on the smell of Vaseline
No I'm not Princess Di and I don't wanna be a queen
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks

Anyway if I were gay I'd have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis
Hang out with my mom's hair stylist his name is Kip he's got a lisp he talks like this
And wear my mother's lingerie learn the songs of Broadway
And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant garde ballet
I wish I was queer so I could get
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
And I don't shave my heiny
Don't shave my heiny
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly

Back to Top

I'm The Least You Could Do

It always sucks refolding the kind of map
Needed when i get stuck where the sun don't shine the fact
Is if i just shut up my rubbered stamp could flag you as dumb

It ain't your mind you're givin' me a piece of
As it don't take einstein to know that's just obscene but
It's been buck rogers' time since i hit other than rock bottom

Even the odds of having you against me
With your crotchless jihad on blue balls evidently
Are all mighty good god so angel dust my soul like james brown

Street legal whore hauling so much stunning ass
Sell yourself short like bridget at the bunny ranch
Do it all fours the satisfaction of getting fouled

I'm the least you could do
If only life were as easy as you

I'm the least you could do
If only life were as easy as you

I would still get screwed

I don't care if getting under someone that's
Beneath you fits the m.o. of conundrum as
You reckoned this was just a fancy word for rubbers

I aim to get a bang out of working your
Weak spot that sets the bar so low just nerve can score
With no respect since Rodney Dangerfield's like pay dirt

I'm the least you could do
If only life were as easy as you

I'm the least you could do
If only life were as easy as you

I'm the least you could do
If only life were as easy as you

I'm the least you could do
If only life were as easy as you

If only

When my fumbling breaks you should
I thank your dad for the damaged goods?

When my fumbling breaks you should
I thank your dad for the damaged goods?


When my fumbling breaks you should
I thank your dad for the damaged goods?

When my fumbling breaks you should
I thank your dad for the damaged goods?

Back to Top

Kids In America

Lookin' out a dirty old window
Down below the cars in the city go rushing by
I sit here alone and I wonder why
Friday night and everyone's movin'
I can feel the heat but it's soothing heading down
I search for the beat in this dirty town

Downtown
The young ones are goin'
Downtown
The young ones are growin'

We're the kids in America whoa
We're the kids in America whoa
Everybody live for the music go round

Bright lights the music gets faster
Look girl don't check on your watch not another glance
I'm not leavin' now honey no not a chance
Hot shot shot give me no problems
Much later baby you'll be saying never mind
You know life is cruel life is never kind

Kind hearts
We'll make a new story
Kind hearts
We'll grab it in glory

We're the kids in America whoa
We're the kids in America whoa
Everybody live for the music go round

La la la la la
La la la la la
Sing
La la la la la
La la la la la
La la la

Come closer honey that's better
Got to get a brand new experience feeling right
Oh don't try to stop baby hold me tight
Outside a new day is dawning
Outside suburbia's sprawling everywhere
I don't want to go baby

New York
To East Philadelphia
There's a new one
Comin' I warn you

We're the kids in America
We're the kids in America
Everybody live for the music go round

La la la la la
La la la la la
Sing
La la la la la
La la la la la
La la la
La la la

We're the kids
We're the kids
We're the kids in America

We're the kids
We're the kids
We're the kids in America

We're the kids
We're the kids
We're the kids in America

We're the kids
We're the kids
We're the kids in America

We're the kids
We're the kids
We're the kids in America

We're the kids
We're the kids
We're the kids in America

Oi Oi

We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi
We're the kids in America Oi

Back to Top

Kiss Me Where It Smells Funny

You came twice last year like a Sears catalog
Cause your last boyfriend makes love like Boss Hogg
Well now you're seeing me but soon I'll have you seeing God
Cause girl I'll get you panting like you're Pavlov's dog
Like a DC-10: guaranteed to go down
But baby your black box is the one that I found
I'll give you the gift that keeps on givin' it won't cost you any money
Then she grabbed me by the ears and said kiss me where it smells funny

So down I go like I'm 2000 Flushes
I can tell I'm doing something right by the way that she blushes
She's one that's speechless, I'm the one that's tongue tied
She's thinking holy mackerel I'm thinking tuna on the side
There must be something wrong with Al Pacino's nose
Cause the scent of a woman is like rotten tomatoes
Yeah I'm snorkeling for clams and it doesn't matter if I wanna be
Don't come up for air until you kiss me where it smells funny

Drop my face below her waist and stay on third base
I can tell that the cherry's ripe by the way it tastes
Yeah I could make a lot of wine with the yeast I find inside her panties
And then drink it while eating out down at the Seafood Shanty
Drop my face below her waist and stay on third base
I can tell that the cherry's ripe by the way it tastes
Yeah I could make a lot of wine with the yeast I find inside her panties
And then drink it while eating out down at the Seafood Shanty

Back to Top

Legend In My Spare Time

Ashes to ashes and funks to funky
Daddy Long Legs is a mean ass honky
And Jimmy Pop ain't no heiny hobbit gaybe
Ain't no big meaty chunks in my thick brown gravy
Cause I'm a Loch Ness a Loch Ness a Loch Ness monster
Jerry's Kids are knockin' at my door, "Could you be a sponsor?"
Tiny Bubbles in my tub pull my finger Lawrence Welk
If you wanna look like Rocky Dennis better drink your milk
When I'm feeling Oriental I gotta rub my chin
I'm gonna hold my water in like I'm Gunga Din
So have a taste of my bass cause the girlies got smiles
You get on my case like the Rockford Files
Crazy Eddie in the slammer cause he's giving it all away
John Boy in the barn with a horse in the hay
No rhyme no reason no job no class
And we don't go near the ghetto cause they'd shoot our ass

Go go yeah yeah huh what?
I'm a legend in my spare time

If you ain't ever been to the suburbs
Don't you ever come to the suburbs
Cause you wouldn't understand the suburbs
Cause I'm a huskin' a huskin' a huskin' your corn
I'm as deep as a plot to a gay porn
So Uh-Oh Spaghettios I forgot to hide away the body
I know that she's a hotty but damn that girl could party
So come to me momma it ain't no crime
I'm a skilled love doctor growlin', "What's your sign?"
Did the Flamin' Waffle with Ho Chi Min
Your girl's a dollar bill 'cause we don't know where she's been
J.F.K.'s head's a puzzle and your woman needs a muzzle
Barbara Eden in the bottle and now i'm gonna guzzle
You're too what? Shy shy huh what?
Hush hush yea? I knew why
Cause we're playing the Palladium can't get on Star Search
Daddy Legs standing tall he can do the Funky Lurch
And Jimmy Jimmy Pop is short for Jimmy Jimmy Popular
You know I know you know your not the tough guy that I thought you were

Go go yeah yeah huh what?
I'm a legend in my spare time

Cause I wopbobaloobop
Ha cha cha chatch
Come lick my balls
Vive la my crotch

Cause your daddy thinks I'm lazy your momma thinks I'm crazy
But neither of them know that you are carrying my baby
And I'm the Amos I'm the Andy I'm the sticky Aunt Jemammy
I gave you mouth to mouth like Resuscitation Annie
It takes two of us to do this like Dean Martin Jerry Lewis
And your throat is swollen gloryholen' ya blew us
George Burns' pacemaker beats steady slow and low
That's why we got more hits then a dealer at a Dead show

Go go yeah yeah huh what?
I'm a legend in my spare time

Back to Top

Mope

We gonna drop this next bomb for a money makin' playa that ain't with us no mo.
Yeah, Notorious B.I.G.
Hell no, we gonna do this for a gangbanging thug that never seen it comin'.
Yeah, Tupac Shakur.
Nah bitch, I'm talkin' ‘bout motherf**kin' Falco and shit.
What? Falco?

O0o0o Rock me Amadeus
O0o0o Rock me Amadeus
O0o0o Rock me Amadeus
O0o0o Rock me Amadeus

Tried to O.D. on the Cold-Eeze
"Golden Girls" got me "Sweatin' To The Oldies"
Hanging out like Double Ds sip Long Island Iced Teas
Wrote to Mayor McCheese "Send a Shamrock Shake please!"
Three O' Clock on the dot time to cruise for Eighth graders
Rather tape the Weather Channel so that I can watch it later
Reruns of Rerun so "What's Happening?"
Dee's knocked up and Rog on crack again
Deep throat a whole Nutty Buddy
Make whoopie to a batch of Silly Putty
Make a Spam and Colgate sandwich and ate it
Go through "National Geographic" and draw panties on the natives
So I like to dance naked in front of my pets
But my cat was inattentive so I sent him U.P.S.
Playin' spin the bottle with my mom
I watch "Cops" with no pants on

Must've blown a fuse nothing's going on
Lamer than the Pope climb the walls like King Kong
Buggin' out like Tori Spelling's eyes
Deader than the parents on a "Party of Five"
Luciano Pavoratti on a treadmill
Not going nowhere slim chance we will
Less hip than Bo Jackson bored like wood
Dick around like Frankie Goes To Hollywood

Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it
Relax don't do it when you wanna cum
Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it
Relax don't do it when you wanna cum

Nowhere to go I can't wake up late
Just sit around and wait for my Old Spice to activate
Stalemate jailbait in "My So-Called Life" imprisonment
Amazing what a good breakfast pickles make isn't it?
I like to pretend I'm speed reading
Never lose the sight of the thrill of sneezing
Don't need a shower today just some Brut by Faberge
Smell the ass of my jeans clean they'll do another day
And I recycle I sniff my own farts
I dial the wrong number hope a conversation starts
I mean I might as well be listenin' to Journey
Givin' myself a mullet hook the Flowbee to the Kirby
Make a prank call pretendin' I'm a mime
Get stuck in traffic just to pass the time
Sent a letter in the mail in Braille to Johnny Quest
Send me back my Etch-A-Sketch

Must've blown a fuse nothing's going on
Lamer than the Pope climb the walls like King Kong
Buggin' out like Tori Spelling's eyes
Deader than the parents on a "Party of Five"
Luciano Pavoratti on a treadmill
Not going nowhere slim chance we will
Less hip than Bo Jackson, bored like wood
Dick around like Frankie Goes To Hollywood

Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it
Relax don't do it when you wanna cum
Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it
Relax don't do it when you wanna cum

I'm mighty tighty whitey and I'm smugglin' plums
When you wanna cum
I'm mighty tighty whitey and I'm smugglin' plums
When you wanna cum
I'm mighty tighty whitey and I'm smugglin' plums
When you wanna cum
I'm mighty tighty whitey and I'm smugglin' plums
When you wanna cum


Yo yo yo yo yo! What it is motherf**kers?
Aw shit, here comes Pac-Man.
Hey Pac-Man, what's up?
Me you bitches! I'm high on crack! Wanna freebase?
No Pac-Man drugs are bad!
Nope can't help you man.
Pussies. Whoa! Holy shit!

Must've blown a fuse nothing's going on
Lamer than the Pope climb the walls like King Kong
Buggin' out like Tori Spelling's eyes
Deader than the parents on a "Party of Five"
Luciano Pavoratti on a treadmill
Not going nowhere slim chance we will
Less hip than Bo Jackson bored like wood
Dick around like Frankie Goes To Hollywood

Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it
Relax don't do it when you wanna cum
Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it
Relax don't do it when you wanna cum

Holy macaroni
Holy macaroni
Holy macaroni
Holy macaroni

Back to Top

No Hard Feelings

Ain't my job
To f**k you on your birthday
Ain't my job
To f**k you on your birthday anymore
Ain't my job
To f**k you on your birthday
Ain't my job
To f**k you on your birthday anymore

Maybe you got screwed but i dumped you 'cause you ain't nothin' but trash
I put out despite the fact that you're like a hawaiian punch moustache
Right under my nose thinking i'm so colonel klink oblivious
But how could i not see? you got off scot-free 'cause i know this means it

Ain't my job
To f**k you on your birthday
Ain't my job
To f**k you on your birthday anymore
Ain't my job
To f**k you on your birthday
Ain't my job
To f**k you on your birthday anymore

If i want to be repeatedly shit on i'll go make dutch porn
When roughly translated even your naked truth means squat and what's more
I'm missing you like a hijacked flight on september 11th
I don't know who got on you but i'm not wrong in thanking them since it

Ain't my job
To f**k you on your birthday
Ain't my job
To f**k you on your birthday anymore
Ain't my job
To f**k you on your birthday
Ain't my job
To f**k you on your birthday anymore

Maybe it ain't your birthday but then again
Ya know i wouldn't give a f**k
When what i shoulda got is over ya sooner so now
I'm just gonna wrap it up

Maybe it ain't your birthday but then again
Ya know i wouldn't give a f**k
When what i shoulda got is over ya sooner so now
I'm just gonna wrap it up

Ain't my job
I'm just gonna wrap it up
To f**k you on your birthday
I'm just gonna wrap it up
Ain't my job
I'm just gonna wrap it up
To f**k you on your birthday anymore
I'm just gonna wrap it up
Ain't my job
I'm just gonna wrap it up
To f**k you on your birthday
I'm just gonna wrap it up
Ain't my job
I'm just gonna wrap it up
To f**k you on your birthday anymore
I'm just gonna wrap it up

Back to Top

Pennsylvania

We are "cop rock" we are screech
We are z. cavaricci
We are laser removed
Tasmanian devil tattoos

We are third string we are puck
We are special people's club
We are the half shirts with
Irreverent spring break top ten lists

We are munsoned we are squat
We are flashing twelve o'clock
We are spread out butt cheeks
Pulled apart so just the air leaks

We are "ishtar" we are tab
We are no right turn on red
We are the moustaches
The beatles grew when they dropped acid

You are the heart dotting "i"
In the word "apologize"
Scribbled drunk on a postcard
Sent from somewhere volcanoes are
I am the heart with no name
Airbrushed on the license plate
Of a subaru that was
Registered in pennsylvania
We are zima we are barf
We are cinderblock yard art
We are baldwin brothers
Not the good one but the others

We are amway we are shemp
We are sir david of brent
We are the queef after
A porn star breaks the gang bang record

You are the heart dotting "i"
In the word "apologize"
Scribbled drunk on a postcard
Sent from somewhere volcanoes are
I am the heart with no name
Airbrushed on the license plate
Of a subaru that was
Registered in pennsylvania

Do you even know what a wawa is girl?
Do you even know what a wawa is?
Do you even know what a wawa is girl?
Do you even know what a wawa is?

I'm in a state of p f**kin' a

Back to Top

Ralph Wiggum

I'm going to africa yes ma'am i'm a brick waas president licoln okay? mitten
There's a dog in the vent chicken necks? i pick ken griffey jr. i fell out 2 times
I'm pedaling backwards this snowflake tastes like fish sticks we're a totem pole dying tickles
I hear a frankenstein lives there she's touching my special area go banana

Ralphie ralphie
Get off get off
The stage the stage
Sweetheart sweetheart

Oh say can you rock?

I'm a pop sensation
I'm a pop sensation

Salmon gutter?

I'm idaho you smell like dead bunnies that's where i saw the leprechaun fun toys are fun
Chocolate microscopes you're not it that is so 1991 i bit my tongue

Ralphie ralphie
Get off get off
The stage the stage
Sweetheart sweetheart

Oh say can you rock?

I'm a pop sensation
I'm a pop sensation

Yvan eht nioj
Yvan eht nioj
Yvan eht nioj
Yvan eht nioj
Yvan eht nioj
Yvan eht nioj
Yvan eht nioj
Yvan eht nioj

My sash says ultraman

Back to Top

Something Diabolical

Something Diabolical Lyrics
Artist(Band):Bloodhound Gang
Review The Song (0)
Print the Lyrics

Something Diabolical Lyrics

MP3 Downloads

Send Bloodhound Gang polyphonic ringtone to your cell phone


Eventide rise for ritual
With the thrill of a kill vengefully the engine will
Roar forth steer the dead leave forced
Driven by fear shift gears veer towards
The foolishly equipped swift these
Failed bids breathed taillights from the crypt
Reflect upon the way beyond redemption
Let the necronometer beckon for the destined
Blessed when first lent sin then condemned to bear the burden
Of this curse the consequence of which can never be averted
Each tormented attempt that is made in vain
To evade this debt which is certain to be paid
Without question is met with a counterclocked surge
In reverse as if backmasked words of the black mass were
All heard by a clutch engaged
Over trails blazed to the western gates

Heaven may be running on empty yet the devil rides
Heaven may be running on empty yet the devil rides
Heaven may be running on empty yet the devil rides
Hell burns by angel turns her pillow to the cooler side

Something diabolical

Idle hands are bound for the
Damned once sam went down to georgia
Speed was forged of the divine salt
Mined from the vaults of flame by the lost
Named as those sought as faults rests beneath
The wrong that was spawned from the tired screech
Of essence halted engulfed in the scent of exhaustion
A false witness with the sensed end is brought
To bended knees when abandoned belief in
The mephistophelian plea for wicked unleashed sends
Heed to reap grim an infernally decreed
Reposession vested in the fallen creed called on to retrieve
Meed with the fueled intention of deprived intervention
The thundered calm that comes from the rattle of descension
Numbs the panicked from a havoc that reeks of oil
Barreling down this mortal coil

Heaven may be running on empty yet the devil rides
Heaven may be running on empty yet the devil rides
Heaven may be running on empty yet the devil rides
Hell burns by angel turns her pillow to the cooler side

Something diabolical

Tonight belongs to him
Tonight belongs to him
Tonight belongs to him
Tonight belongs to him
To him
To him
To him

Back to Top

The Bad Touch

Ha-Ha! Well now we call this the act of mating
But there are several other very important differences
Between human beings and animals that you should know about

I'd appreciate your input

Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts
Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up
You've had enough of two-hand touch you want it rough you're out of bounds
I want you smothered want you covered like my Waffle House hashbrowns
Comin' quicker than FedEx never reach an apex just like the Coca-Cola stock you are
inclined
To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time

Do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now

Love the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where we stuck it
Hieroglyphics? Let me be specific I wanna be down in your South Seas
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means "Small Craft Advisory"
So if I capsize on your thighs high tide, B5 you sunk my battleship
Please turn me on I'm Mister Coffee with an automatic drip
So show me yours I'll show you mine "Tool Time" you'll Love it just like Lyle
And then we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch "X-Files"

Do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now

Back to Top

Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss

Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby

Dog will hunt i'm the front end loader travoltin' over so try my slam on for size
Drive stick with that kung-fu grip let the banana split and watch it go right to your thighs
Cop a feel copperfield style abracadabra that bra do you think i can pull it off?
Wanna bang around? just jot me down on your to-do list under "put out like a fire" 'cause

I got somethin' and it goes thumpin' like this
All you need is my uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
I got somethin' and it goes thumpin' like this
All you need is my uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss

Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby

Edible strange how do i get in your pants when you're tick tockin' them
Serious levis? so tight can't be classified that's why i'm here to fill that opening
Make a seasoned pass to mount that ass and bob hope that i might one night stand a chance
Let's go feng shui the f**k around my digs like a superball bring that sunny side up and

I got somethin' and it goes thumpin' like this
All you need is my uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
I got somethin' and it goes thumpin' like this
All you need is my uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss

Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby

Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss

I got somethin' and it goes thumpin' like this
All you need is my uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
I got somethin' and it goes thumpin' like this
All you need is my uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss

Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby

Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss
Uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss baby uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss

Back to Top

You're Pretty When I'm Drunk

One night me and the crew hit the road on a mission
To slurp free brew and go fuzzy flounder fishin'
Kayjees on the hi-fi and the keg was bottomless
Until we brought Skip O' Pot2mus
And Daddy's gonna get some probably underage and dumb
And everybody knows that the Daddy eats his young
Lupus in the lavatory making a big stink
Macing up the toilet seat and pooping in the sink
M.S.G.'s tanked up and wizzin' in a cup
Waiting for a sprinkle genie to come and drink it up
Cause I'm the one bottle willy with the 12 Horse Ale
After that I get silly like Soupy Sales
Now it's midnight and I'm completely boofy blitzed
A six of Shlitz and the Jew brew Manischewitz
With my beer-tinted glasses I'm ready to bitty battle
I'm Hungry Like The Wolf but I'll end up tending cattle

Cause you're pretty when I'm drunk
(You're pretty when I'm drunk)
You're pretty when I'm drunk
(You're pretty when I'm drunk)
You're pretty when I'm drunk
(You're pretty when I'm drunk)
You're pretty when I'm drunk
(and I'm pretty f**kin' drunk)

Here she comes, a funky fried cutie
Mr. Jimmy Pop Ali is gonna get some booty
Cause I'm Mr. McFeelie with a speedy delivery
You'd think I was a ditch the way this chick was diggin' me
But maybe I should check and see if this is where I wanna be
Hey Lupus is she cute? Yea for a pygmie
Aw! What do you know? You're probably going home alone
And it wouldn't be the first time that I gave a dog a bone
Plus beauty, it's only skin deep
It's in the eye of the beholder and my beholder's about to tweak
I could tap that barrel, in fact I know I can
It's a ménage à trois you and me and Heineken

Cause you're pretty when I'm drunk
(You're pretty when I'm drunk)
You're pretty when I'm drunk
(You're pretty when I'm drunk)
You're pretty when I'm drunk
(You're pretty when I'm drunk)
You're pretty when I'm drunk
(and I'm pretty f**kin' drunk)

Regrets I've had a few
First and foremost I'd like to mention you
For the sake of conversation we'll call you the Brand New Heavy
Your a mix between an Ugnaut and Eugene Levy
You can call it big-boned, I prefer to call it gut
You're Buddha you're Shamu you're Jabba the f**kin' Hutt
You had harpoon scars and your boobies were hairy
I smelt tuna melt but I wasn't gonna worry
It was 3 A.M. and I wasn't gettin' squat
So I rolled you up in flour and aimed it for the wet spot
I was buttering rolls like a soup kitchen Christian
Then it hit me something bit me while my little rod was fishin'
I was deep sea fishing I took a fat chance
But how was i supposed to know that Jabberjaws lived in your pants
At that junction I came to realize
That only Frank Purdue likes thighs that size
Fatty fatty boom ba latty I gotta lament
That you were not a girl you were an experiment

Cause you're pretty when I'm drunk
(You're pretty when I'm drunk)
You're pretty when I'm drunk
(You're pretty when I'm drunk)
You're pretty when I'm drunk
(You're pretty when I'm drunk)
You're pretty when I'm drunk
(and I'm pretty f**kin' drunk)